Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
