did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
