did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
