You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
