i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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