sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
