I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
