Texts From Last Night

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  (813): View more from Florida

  This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.

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  (813): This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along. http://tfl.nu/9dyn
  Replies (22) Good night (4678) Bad night (689)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"

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  (410): I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis" http://tfl.nu/6z4n
  Replies (29) Good night (12910) Bad night (1103)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.

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  (330): All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game. http://tfl.nu/3l6w
  Replies (9) Good night (4955) Bad night (925)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."

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  (847): well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms." http://tfl.nu/dhb2
  Replies (12) Good night (6070) Bad night (961)
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  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one

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  (580): Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one http://tfl.nu/xo36
  Replies (7) Good night (2994) Bad night (1307)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.

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  (845): Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was. http://tfl.nu/ww86
  Replies (12) Good night (3566) Bad night (1261)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young

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  (815): its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young http://tfl.nu/hsw4
  Replies (7) Good night (2474) Bad night (889)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order

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  (443): Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order http://tfl.nu/s460
  Replies (4) Good night (1217) Bad night (617)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.

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  (517): I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine. http://tfl.nu/qnhv
  Replies (20) Good night (2786) Bad night (648)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.

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  (216): Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself. http://tfl.nu/3gaw
  Replies (46) Good night (2382) Bad night (803)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.

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  (620): Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/471z
  Replies (6) Good night (1375) Bad night (587)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless

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  (709): its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless http://tfl.nu/73du
  Replies (5) Good night (636) Bad night (531)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.

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  (314): He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it. http://tfl.nu/p1fo
  Replies (6) Good night (880) Bad night (347)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.

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  (407): I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him. http://tfl.nu/9st1
  Replies (3) Good night (637) Bad night (312)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy

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  (425): I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy http://tfl.nu/ow8c
  Replies (3) Good night (495) Bad night (355)

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