Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I puked a lego.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it

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(214): View more from Texas

It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.

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(907): View more from Alaska

I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.

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23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Read it at the TFLN blog
(334): View more from Alabama

I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.

(334): View more from Alabama

I stand by my new policy.

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(904): View more from Florida

Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day

Fav 6 1594 1056
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(229): View more from Georgia

I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.

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(260): View more from Indiana

Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best

(1-260): View more from Indiana

Awe that means so much to us

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(801): View more from Utah

He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.

Fav 2 13 40
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