Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(224): View more from Illinois

Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?

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(226): View more from Ontario

This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon

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(203): View more from Connecticut

you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(920): View more from Wisconsin

Are we going out tonight?

(414): View more from Wisconsin

My conscience says no but my vag says yes

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(228): View more from Mississippi

I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention

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(217): View more from Illinois

He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..

(1-217): View more from Illinois

YOU would be the Freshman Expirence

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(479): View more from Arkansas

Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.

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