so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment