Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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