i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
