YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
