I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
