yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
