YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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