1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
People with herpes should wear stickers.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
