she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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