There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
