im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
