No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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