You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
