Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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