he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
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I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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