They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
