Whod you bang
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
