Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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