I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
