I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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