just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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