So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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