My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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