Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
