a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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