i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
