I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
