everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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