I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
