I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
