u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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