i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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