3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
