is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
