She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So here I am, sexting at work.
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