waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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