I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
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He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
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You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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