I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
