sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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