it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
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I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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