UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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