when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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