I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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