I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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