I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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