After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
