i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
