the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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