Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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