My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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