last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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