I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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