I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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