maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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