This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
