So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
