So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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