Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
