I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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