Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
