Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
