please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
