last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
