I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
