how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Terrible idea I love it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
