complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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