i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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