i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
