My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
