where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
